I Am Rich

I’m not rich… I’m poor! And something tells me Armin Heinrich isn’t rich either, otherwise he wouldn’t be panhandling in the App Store.

Without a doubt the most expensive “application” (cough) out there, I Am Rich is the first, and probably last, app I will ever attempt to review without actually buying and using it first. Here’s his sales pitch (verbatim, typos and all):

Art & Livestyle – Not for everyone

Yes, “livestyle”. And he’s right, it’s not for everyone unless everyone happens to be high on crack.

The red icon on your iPhone or iPod touch always reminds you (and others when you show it to them) that you were able to afford this.

It will also remind you (and others) that you’re a dumbass.

It’s a work of art with no hidden function at all.

Translation: This so-called “application” is designed to be 100% useless.

After pressing the (i) on the main page, a secret mantra will be shown. This may help you to to stay rich, healthy and successful.

My guess is the secret mantra goes something like this: THANKS FOR THE MONEY, SUCKER. Somehow I doubt that’s going to do anything for your finances, health, or lifetime achievements.

If it’s expensive for you – check out my other apps – they are all much cheaper.

The only other app under Armin Heinrich is the hideous Calc Pro for $4.99. Whatever it calculates, you can bet your ass it doesn’t do enough to justify that price tag (plenty of other calculator apps are free or $.99 and are made by professionals). But at least Calc does something.

Armin’s not-so-clever plea for cash isn’t just bordering on scam territory, it’s also sending a very bad message to the rest of the development community: Apple approves crap, so go ahead and try to get some easy money any way you can. Meanwhile, the immensely useful (and free) BoxOffice remains in App Store Purgatory. What’s wrong with this picture?

If you don’t want the App Store to be overrun by “I Am Rich” copycats, maybe you should take a minute to tell Apple what you think of I Am Rich via this form on Apple.com. They force you to put your inquiry into a category, so I recommend Purchase(s) problem > This item sounds or looks bad. It may be out of context but it’s actually very accurate.

If enough people speak up they just might pull it and make the necessary changes to their approval process.