iPhone App Reviews

WTF: Pocket Performance Review

Michael (Admin) | Jan 6, 2010 Entertainment, WTF?!

User rating: (3 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)

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'Bad news, gotta send you to the unemployment line, yo'

Pocket Performance Review is on sale for free – normally $.99

Don’t be shocked if you see Michael Scott using this app in a future episode of The Office! Pocket Performance Review is a collection of executive decisions that are vocalized by 12 different personalities that run the gamut from a typical office chump (Mr. Littleman) to a gangsta (Master B) to a granny (Nellie). You can change the names of the personalities if you want, and by either shaking or selecting the various recordings you’ll be able to tell people that they’re fired, laid off, outsourced, taking an unpaid leave, and numerous other types of bad news. It’s not all bad, though, as Back Pocket Software also threw in a few positive messages to tell your minions that they’ve been given a raise or been promoted.

Shaking your iPhone or hitting the “Perform Evaluation” button will select a random message, and you can rig it to land on the evaluation of your choice.

Pocket Performance Review is a joke (literally) and I think it has high potential for being the source of your next office prank if you feel like getting creative. It’s nice and polished, and for the time being it’s free!

iTunes Link – Pocket Performance Review
Version  1.1
Reviewed on iPhone 3G OS3.1.2

Tags: funny, practical joke

WTF: Boob Party

Michael (Admin) | Dec 23, 2009 Entertainment, WTF?!

User rating: (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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With so many app requests languishing in my inbox I’m a little reluctant to spend time on an app like Boob Party, but I just think it’s funny that (a) there’s an app called Boob Party, and (b) searching iTunes for “boobs” now yields over 100 sure-to-be-disappointing results that want to be “titillating” but are just kind of… eh.

Because Apple has never, and will never, allow nudity or porn in the App Store, apps like Boob Party pretty much always amount to the same thing which is mostly-tame photos and/or videos of scantily clad girls. I like scantily clad girls as much as the next guy but the reality is that there’s nothing these apps can show me that I haven’t already seen a billion times in the dark reaches of the interwebs. Guys who aren’t huge pervs like me might get more of a “rise” out of Boob Party than I did but, again, this kind of content is limited to the point where if you’ve seen one boob app you truly have seen them all.

Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: free, mature

WTF: Ask The Hoff

Michael (Admin) | Oct 21, 2009 Entertainment, WTF?!

User rating: (1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)

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Don't Hassel The Hoff unless you're planning to ask him stupid questions

Alright kids, it’s Wednesday which means it’s WTF day and today we’ve got the king of all WTF apps!

Launch Ask The Hoff and it kicks off with a short Ask The Hoff theme song, and then The Hoff himself blurts out one of several cheesy self-introductions (yes, it’s really his voice). To get answers to your deepest, most important life questions just shake your iPhone and The Hoff will come back with any of a dozen or so prophetic answers that range from “Are you kidding? Get outta here!” to “The answer is yes, trust me I’m a doctor, no not really I’m David Hasselhoff”.

Firing up Ask The Hoff should be done ONLY when you truly plan to Ask The Hoff for advice because, if you don’t, he’ll badger you until you do! “What are you waiting for, come on, do it do it!” (umm… that’s what she said?)

Worth a buck? It actually is kind of funny, but I’d still only recommend this app if you’re truly and completely Hoff Crazy… or German!

iTunes Link – Ask The Hoff
Version 1.0
Reviewed on iPhone 3G OS3.1.2

Germans love David Hasselhoff! BUT WHY??

WTF: I’mma Let U Finish

Michael (Admin) | Oct 14, 2009 Entertainment, WTF?!

User rating: (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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LOL!!!! I’mma Let U Finish is a pretty funny dig on the world’s biggest tool, Kanye West. If you don’t know what the name of this app is referring to then you’re either too young, too old, or living in some weird parallel universe!

Press the button to hear a pretty good Kanye impersonator rattle off a bunch of variations on his moronic interruption of Taylor Swift’s VMA acceptance speech such as I’mma let you finish, but this app is betta’ than bacon! and …that is one of the dumbest ideas of all time! There are 11 one-liners in all.

BigSprocket even made the app smart enough to remind you to turn up the sound if you launch the app while the volume is turned down. All in all it’s still a pretty dumb app, but it’s funny and maybe worth a buck if you truly enjoy reliving Kanye’s utter stupidity.

iTunes Link – I’mma Let U Finish

Tags: $.99, funny

WTF: Misfortune Cookie

Michael (Admin) | Oct 7, 2009 Entertainment, WTF?!

User rating: (3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)

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Real-life fortune cookies served with the check at Chinese restaurants are almost always a disappointment, and iPhone apps that try to deliver the same crappy wisdom suck even worse, so why not funny it up a bit?

Veloxus has the right idea with Misfortune Cookie… this app offers “normal” fortunes, and you can turn on “bad fortunes” in Settings, plus you can also append “…in bed”! Kinda funny. It would be way funnier if you could write your own fortunes to do some serious pranking, but Misfortune Cookie’s current set of mildly amusing barbs is already way more entertaining than all the other fortune cookie apps that try to play it straight.

iTunes Link – Misfortune Cookie
Version 1.0
Reviewed on iPhone 3G OS3.1

Tags: $.99, funny

WTF: BaconFarts

Michael (Admin) | Sep 30, 2009 Entertainment, WTF?!

User rating: (6 votes, average: 2.33 out of 5)

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Another fart app! Yawn. *sorry* I mean WTF!

It’s bad enough that an App Store search for “fart app” brings up no less than 96 results, but do we really need to add flavor to the mix??!! BaconFarts has a funny name and a delicious theme but, on the inside, it’s just another fart machine, and a pretty plain one at that.

If the name of this app reminds you of that little April Fool’s prank I dubbed Scent of a Chicken, I’m very sorry glad to report that the promise of meaty smells emanating from your iPhone is still just a fantasy.

Don’t get me wrong… I enjoy ripping a loud, juicy one as much as the next guy, but even I’ve had enough of the farting. Come on Focal Point, make something that’s actually worth a buck!

iTunes Link – BaconFarts

Tags: $.99

WTF: Pretty Poo

Michael (Admin) | Sep 16, 2009 Entertainment, WTF?!

User rating: (5 votes, average: 4.40 out of 5)

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Pretty Poo is the exact reason there’s a WTF category on iPhone App Reviews!

Digital Mint has created a cartoon piece of poo that doesn’t like flies, but flies like poo, so it’s your job to keep the flies away by shaking your iPhone or blowing on the mic. Flies go away, poo is happy, but naturally the flies come back for more, circle of life, rinse and repeat.

I’d like to tell you that there’s more to Pretty Poo than that, but that would make me a big fat liar! The developer bills Pretty Poo as a “designer app” so I guess it’s meant to be appreciated more for style than substance. I’ll admit that this is a nicely assembled app despite the laughably stupid premise… makes me wonder what Digital Mint could do if they were to venture beyond the limited realm of cute & quirky.

iTunes Link – Pretty Poo
Version 1.0
Reviewed on iPhone 3G OS3.1

Tags: $.99, funny, weird

WTF: Me & My Grandparent GOLD

Michael (Admin) | Sep 16, 2009 Entertainment, WTF?!

User rating: (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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First of all, lemme just say that I’m not laughing at old people here! Parents and grandparents and other wrinkled folk are A-OK in my book and I mean that in all sincerity. In the past 18 months I lost both of my great aunts who nearly hit the century mark (the older one made it 99) and I truly miss them, and I truly truly wish I could have sent them some greeting cards from Me & My Grandparents GOLD because they would have gotten a good laugh out of them!

Some of you will think I’m crazy or just plain mean for poking fun at this app, but Mobile Champs has produced 30 of the gooeyest, gaudiest, most over-the-top expressions of Love any human has ever come up with in the history of written schmaltz. The wording of the default greetings is both flowery and bizarre, and to top it off they’re adorned with rainbows and hearts and fairies to make the experience complete.

Me & My Grandparents isn’t horrible in the functionality department, but it’s not good either. The icons used for navigating are kind of cryptic, text editing is somewhat limited, and photo handling is extremely limited. All of that will be forgotten, though, when you start sending these unintentionally funny greetings around and get an inbox full of LOLs and WTFs in return.

iTunes Link – Me & My Grandparents GOLD
Version 1.0
Reviewed on iPhone 3G OS3.1

Tags: $.99, funny, greeting cards

WTF: Zombie Weatherman

Michael (Admin) | Sep 9, 2009 Weather, WTF?!

User rating: (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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Apple’s default weather app is sooooooo lame! No blood, no zombies, nothing.

Clockrocket Games gets goofy here with their version of the weather, complete with a not-quite-dead guy bleeding next to the forecast. Tap Mr. Zombie to attack him and spray blood all over the screen and then rub him to get him cleaned up.

Adding and swiping through different cities works pretty much just like the default weather. I can’t really say the weather this app serves up is all that accurate since the numbers deviate by 3-5 degrees (F) from Weather.com, but you’re not really getting Zombie Weatherman for the weather, are you?

It’s gross, it’s funny, and thankfully there’s a free version to try out.

iTunes Link – Zombie Weatherman
Version 1.1
Reviewed on iPhone 3G OS3.0.1

I'll take this dude over Al Roker any day of the week

Tags: $1.99, funny

WTF: Frog Box

Michael (Admin) | Sep 9, 2009 Entertainment, WTF?!

User rating: (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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Well… you gotta give FAYJU credit for thinking “outside the box” on their strategy for marketing their other less ridiculous app, Fayju Ball.

There are two main things you can do with Frog Box: play a few sample levels from Fayju Ball, or flick a dead frog around either a classroom or a cardboard box. You read that right! Flick a dead frog. I tried the ball game and it’s not bad, but frankly I prefer the frog corpse; it’s a nice way of reconciling the inner demons that still haunt me from when I had to dissect one of those little bastards in high school.

It’s free, it’s stupid, and it’s relatively well done, especially for an app that’s really just a marketing vehicle in disguise.

iTunes Link – Frog Box
Version 1.0.3
Reviewed on iPhone 3G OS3.0.1

Tags: 3D, free, funny

WTF: ManWax

Michael (Admin) | Sep 2, 2009 Games, WTF?!

User rating: (5 votes, average: 2.60 out of 5)

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This guy isn't crying because the wax hurts, he's crying because this app is so incredibly dumb!

A direct quote from RustyCroc’s app review request:

“OUR APP MIGHT SUCK BALLS LOL BUT CHECK IT OUT AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.  I AM ONLY 17 YEARS OLD AND IT WAS MY FIRST APP, I AM TRYING TO PAY FOR COLLEGE.”

Love the CAPS LOCK, love the upfront admission that the app sucks balls (it does), and I don’t quite buy the “trying to pay for college” bit (heard that one before) but hey I suppose it never hurts to try.

With ManWax you’re supposed to tap the wax applicator, rub your finger on the fat hairy guy lying on the table, and then select the paper thingy to strip the wax off. During the process you’ll hear recordings of a guy making all kinds of noises that range from moaning to screaming “oww my nips” to outright sobbing.

It’s mildly amusing for all of 5 seconds… if you’re not Asian. If you are Asian then you’ll probably find ManWax to be grossly offensive for the inclusion of a thick-accented Asian “woman” voicing the role of the waxer as she says things like “ooohh you so hairy”. I guess it could actually be a chick, but my hunch is that it’s probably a white guy doing the voice which makes it even more distasteful.

Normally I’d just laugh at an app this dumb, but because of the bad example set by the racial stereotyping all I can really do here is shake my head. Tsk tsk, RustyCroc. If you’re really trying to pay for college, get a job at Radio Shack.

iTunes Link – Not!
Version 1.0
Reviewed on iPhone 3G OS3.0.1

Tags: $.99, useless

WTF: Dude Deluxe

Michael (Admin) | Sep 2, 2009 Entertainment, WTF?!

User rating: (3 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)

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Dude! Duuuuuude! Duuuude.

That’s basically all this app does… it says DUDE, over and over and over again. It says Dude like you just spilled a beer, it says Dude like you just nailed your best friend’s girlfriend, it says Dude like you just violated several sacred Man Laws all at once. It says Dude in so many ways you’ll almost feel stupid for saying it in real life!

It’s a painfully stupid app, but at least I gotta give credit to The App Company for going the distance and building in all kinds of Dude-related functionality… you can email a Dude MP3 file to a fellow dude, there are Dude Alarm and “Bomb” functions, and you can even use a Dude recording as a ringtone! I did the ringtone and it totally worked so now whenever my dad calls, my iPhone starts yelling Dude! Dude! Dude! Priceless.

Thankfully there’s a free version of Dude so you don’t have to shell out any cash go Dude-crazy, but if you want the ringtone and some of the other fancy features you’ll need to go Deluxe.

iTunes Link – Dude Deluxe
Version 1.0
Reviewed on iPhone 3G OS3.0.1

Tags: $.99, funny, useless